Dear Colin Firth,
Firstly, let me congratulate you on your star on the Hollywood walk of fame. Why did no one show it here? I am so disappointed in entertainment television, but I’m so very proud of you. I’m even more honoured on behalf of all women, mummys’ and wives to hear you tearfully state that you see your wife’s name on the star and not yours – I always knew there was something special about you.