Twenty years since he left us, suddenly and too soon. It wasn’t a difficult passing, his suffering didn’t last long, but it wasn’t instant. One night, a cough, turned into a rumbley chest, it rattled and hummed. Sounded painful. Asthmatic, so difficult to breathe.
Off to the hospital with my uncle who had a team waiting. He is a doctor. We were in the beautiful Blue Mountains about 90 mins. from Sydney, Australia. We had just arrived, looking toward a new beginning. My uncle called. The news wasn’t good, my dad, my beloved dad, passed away, gave in, couldn’t breathe, it was too late. He was only 61. When I saw him in all that stillness – sterile and cold, shock, then tears, a lasting image, I thought it was closure – not really. Here I am twenty years later. I still feel that loss, but I also feel a deep joy. His sudden passing was the making of me, of who I am today. I was very young when I lost my dad, it was wave after wave of an agonizing loss that taught me about survival.
my parents on their wedding day
As the twenty year mark dawned, I revisited that loss. I was humbled again by my minute existence and how much I take for granted when I’m not being mindful. I lost my aunt recently, my mum, her brothers and sisters – a sibling. A sibling that held the family together. I remember so many joyful days as a child at my aunt’s house. So much love. When I saw her last year, her remarkable strength amazed me. 80 was fantastic. Much to reflect on these past few weeks.
Life and death, they go hand in hand, consistent and powerful. Memories and photos are all I have. My mum, I cherish beyond words.. we keep my dad alive; in our hearts, in our minds.